Walking out of the ditch - Hollie Shaw

When it feels like you have spent your whole life stuck in the ditch. It's hard to believe that there's a whole other world out there that's not made up entirely of ditches. Even if there is a better world out there. How are you supposed to get there when you've never been shown how to get yourself out of the ditch? 

Hello, I'm Hollie. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, generational substance abuse, and generational poverty. We are all no strangers to the pressures of the holidays. Socializing with family we don't like, trying to provide for our families, and making sure everything is as beautifully perfect like a hallmark card. If only it were that easy. When the pressure rises you can feel the walls start chipping away. All of those unwanted feelings and Intrusive thoughts start seeping out. It feels like if anymore spills over you could drown in it. All it could take is one wrong look, one wrong word, just one more thing to go wrong for it all to come crashing down. Nobody knows how to chip away at us like our loved ones. 

What If I told you life doesn't have to be like this, would you believe me? Every situation is unique so I won't spew the cookie cutter one size fits all advice. But, believe me when I say life can get better when you decide what kind of life you want to have. Mental illness does not have to be a life sentence to misery. I can't tell you what to do. But, I can tell you how I made it out.

I had to figure out who I wanted to be. What kind of person I want to be. What kind of life that I want. Not who everyone else thinks I should be. Because at the end of the day I am the one who is going to have to live through it. I have to be able to look myself in the mirror everyday.  Not my family, not my friends, not my spouse, just me. And no matter what has happened in the past. No matter how badly I have been hurt. This is MY life!  I am the one who has to choose who i want to be. I can't just coast through life, and allow life to just happen to me. It's my time to be in the driver's seat, and start being intentional. Once you figure out who you want to be. It time to look at how can I make this happen. Taking inventory of who you are right now. Am I living a life that is conducive to getting me what I want? What do I need to do differently? Is the people in my life a reflection of who I am right now or a reflection of who I want to be? This is why I recommend a good therapist so much. Because not every relationship needs to be terminated and not every relationship can be saved. Every situation is unique and you have to figure out what it is that YOU want. For example, I was not able to rekindle a healthy relationship with my father before he passed away. But I was able to with my mother even though they both played a role in the trauma I have. Who we allow to have access to our life plays a role into the kind of life you will have. When you are trying to figure out how you are going to make your dream life happen, look for people that has the kind of life that you want. We need to reframe the way we look at the stressful things that we have in our life. You could look at it like it's something that's happening TO YOU. Or you could look at it as an opportunity to practice the kind of behavior that will get you the kind of life that you want. The little details MATTER. How you respond to stress In your life MATTERS. It's how you respond that will set you up for the kind of life you want. Practice behaviors like you are already living the kind of life that you want. You cannot have millionaire dreams with a minimum wage work ethic. To break bad habits you cannot shame them to death and expect results. You get results by replacing bad habits with healthy ones. Stop telling yourself what you cannot do. Ask yourself, what can I do today to set me up for better things tomorrow? If you feel like you can't do the whole sink full of dishes then start by asking yourself, how much can I get done? Start with just one dish.  If you can't run the full mile then start with the first 100 ft.  You may not be able to do EVERYTHING. But you are capable of SOMETHING. Start with SOMETHING!!