Putting your relationship on "good behavior" -By James R. Phillips CEO of ABOVE

The alarm went off at 4:15AM, but I was already awake it is time to get my morning started. The first task is to wrestle a 9 pound chihuahua into his harness for our morning walk. He is small but formidable, however I eventually prevail. The walk is brief ,but productive it is time to get dressed, take care of hygeine, consume a handful of vitamins, and grab some breakfast so I don't pass out during my morning workout. Arrive to the gym, it isn't quite open yet so it is a waiting game until five then it is "leg day" we added dropsets recently so in a little over an hour I will be hobbling around trying to remember where I parked. As I write this I know a lot of people think I am engaging in uncommon behavior, participating in obsession, or trying to slow the hands of time. There may be truth in some of this, but the best part of my morning is I have a partner in my obsession, and this is one the behaviors Vanessa and I enage in everyday that is the cement that keeps us in a good marriage. My wife and I have been together for a long time now, and will be celebrating our third wedding anniversary in the coming year, something we both said we would never do again because we have both been married before, and through behavior hurt other people on our way to ultimately hurting ourselves. In the adventure that is trial and error we have both found a better way.

Every adult I know has someone they attempted a romantic relationship with, and things unfortunately didn't work out. If you ask them to describe the relationship the report is generally unfavorable. You will hear terms like Jerk, Ass Hole, Narcissist, and ego maniac. These may be true or they may not, but it is the easy thing to do, to dismiss the person, and not accept any responsibility. The hard thing to do is to make the realization that something about your behavior caused this relationship to take a turn that lead to it ending. I know in my life these behaviors were failures in emotional regulation, fidelity, leadership, ambition, and honesty. When I take inventory on failed relationships through the lense of a therapist I see the value of behavior change in a relationship, while acknowledging how rare the resources are to guide a person through that change.

In the present day I sincerly enjoy my marriage, I can say with enthusiasm I feel good about it. I wish I could say my positive feelings relied on some magical aligning of the stars that brought us together forever, happily ever after like the ending to a Hallmark Christmas movie. The solution that my life expereinces as a therapist and as a person has brought to conclude is behavior change. The greatest indicator of the quality of a romantic realtionship are the "behaviors" you bring to it. If you find yourself having the same relationship over and over again it is "your behavior". If you have had your heart broken out of the blue and without explanation it is "your behavior", and if you sit there in a shitty marriage hating the person you once fell in love with it is "your behavior". This is a tough pill to swallow ,but one you can attend to, and change. It is our philosophy at ABOVE that almost any relationship is salvagable through behavior change, however most importantly we can equip you to bring the behaviors that will allow you to have a fresh perspective for you, your marriage, or your dating relationship.