Leaving the toilet seat up- Vanessa Phillips (Wife, Mother, Personal Trainer, and Executive Leader).

He doesn’t do the dishes. He doesn’t do the laundry. He doesn’t vacuum. He DOESN’T put the toilet seat up.

Ok, ok, ok, we all hear the husband complaints. I have been there. I have said those things. I have joined in the complaining.

Did I ask him to do those things? Do those things really matter? Should my kids be the ones doing those things?

In my late 30’s, I met my husband. I remember clearly telling him I would not be getting married ever again and he felt the same. Well guess what here we are. 8 years in and 3 years married and I am hands down the happiest I have ever been in my life. Is it because he does the dishes? Hell no ladies. He doesn’t and I don’t care. He does what a man should do. He protects us with everything he has in him and it’s his number one priority. He uses his masculinity to keep us safe, to keep me calm and my normal inherent female anxiety down. He takes charge of the home. He makes decisions. He does the hard things. He does the things I can’t do or can’t handle. Teenage boy out of control? He's there. Dog needs to be put to sleep? There he is. Having a crazy emotional day as I age? I got you, Vanessa. He processes everything. When I’m sad or over emotional, he’s there with a strong touch. When I’m mad or we are in a disagreement, he’s quiet, almost indifferent, because he’s processing his thoughts in order to stay emotionally regulated. When he can feel himself not wanting to regulate his emotions, he walks away. Why is all of this so important? Why has this taught me how to WIFE? He’s a man. He is acting like a man should. He is what a woman needs. He’s behaving as he biologically should. The protector. The strong one. He taught me and I learned by interacting differently and maturely in this relationship: there is ZERO win to being a bitch. Yes, that’s right. A whining, nagging, complaining bitch. No man, good bad ugly or other wants to hear or put up with a whining nagging complaining woman. Just like no woman wants a weak, lazy, non working man. So why do I get to complain about the dishes? Or the toilet seat? Why can’t he ask me Why don’t I do the dishes? Why don’t I put the toilet seat up when I’m done? Why do we as women think we get to do all the complaining? Why don’t we start respecting our husbands that we chose and that we choose to stay with instead of tearing them down? Traditional gender roles in relationships and marriages are not a bad thing. It is OK for our men to be in charge of our households. It is OK for our men to keep us safe. Why have we tried to change the biological narrative? Why are our women now taught to behave masculine and our men are taught to be soft and weak? What kind of example is that for our boys and girls watching us?

Men should be executive leaders of their home and women should show appreciation for it. Stop complaining about your husbands to everyone at work. Stop complaining about your husbands  to your male friends. Stop nagging your husbands about silly tasks and things that don’t matter when you can just do it yourself.

If you are going to disagree, make it about something important and worthwhile. Conflict is healthy. Nagging and complaining about your husband and or to your husband about your husband is just plain bitchy. If you think your husband is going to “shape up” because you nag him, good luck. If you think your husband won’t find someone else that doesn’t nag or make him feel like less of a man, good luck.

Letting your husband be a man, treating your husband like a strong man that you like taking charge, will improve your relationship tenfold. Leave the toilet seat up and see where it gets ya.