Do you really want to save your marriage? - James R Phillips CEO of ABOVE

Almost 20 years ago I sat across from the first couple I completed marriage counseling with, I was not experienced as a couples therapist, and no doubt I fumbled around in the exchange, but I remember asking them something that I have asked every couple I have worked with since, "will you do anything to save your marriage". The obligatory answer during couples counseling is always an enthusiastic .. YES!!! This couple was no exception. The problem is: they were liars, and when asking this question, I have ran into way too few truth tellers. What I learned as I got older and more experienced is sometimes what people say is not how they really feel. It is easy to say things out of obligation, social construct or expectation. It hard to change behavior intentionally, it is hard to put away your ego, and it is hard to forget about a relationship full of hard feelings. As with anything that has to do with people the truth is always the hard part. The fix to your relationship isn't found in learning a love language or attachment style, it is fixed through intentional behavior change on the behalf of your partner. The couples who can dial this in, do an amazing job of staying resilient and connected through substantial hardship.

So..... Do you really want to save your marriage? It is OK if the answer isn't yes! People can move on and rebuild from that too. It is ok if the answer is a Yes and With conviction too, let us get started on the therapy! What isn't Ok is holding someone hostage in a relationship you aren't willing to change yourself to fix!!!